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The Matterhorn - 4,478 metres (14,692 ft) - I'll be soloing this in June 2010
In summer 2008, I woke with a start from a vivid dream. In this dream was the Swiss Alpine mountain the Matterhorn, a mountian I never knew anything about, and had never even seen a picture of. Once you see the Matterhorn, as you now have, you will never forget it.
As soon as I started to learn about the mountain, I decided I was going to climb it "free solo". I used to be in the climbing club when I was in the army, and I really enjoyed it, being a bit of a natural. That was a long time ago though, and alpine climbing is different. To those that don't quite understand a climbers mindset, the reality of what I hope to achieve may seem quite sobering. The Matterhorn has already claimed more than 500 lives, most of which were soloists like myself (that's more than twice that of Everest). In the 2-3 month climbing season, an average of 12-14 people die on the mountain. I will be climbing alone, a lot of it at night, without any aids except an old pair of crampons scrounged off freecycle (that have already been to the summit 21yrs ago), an ice axe, and a headtorch. My support team will consist of my lovely girlfriend Jane who will be in our tent on the scree slope at the bottom of the east face. So far, everything about this venture has required a great deal of research, every piece of equipment is more than I can afford, and as complete alpine novice the learning curve is immense. Getting fit feels good, but I'm struggling with the motivation to train. I fully intend to come back, and am also realistic about the possibility of a grave in the climbers cemetary at Zermatt. I really do believe I can do this, and I am confident in my abilities and my inner strength, so I hope this reassures all you friends out there. As Jeb Corliss (the wingsuit proximity flying base jumper known as "The Human Bird") said when he jumped the Matterhorn, "For me, success is saying, Hey guess what,.. I dreamt about it,.. and now I'm Doing It". |
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Some interesting Matterhorn links The Matterhorn in Zoomify Captivatingly Beautiful time lapse film taken from Zermatt |
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subjects covered: Fixed Ropes - The bane of our lives Motives - Fucked if I know Oh dear, the difficult question, the important one that's been troubling me most. This is going to be a long answer so I'll give the quick answer in the next sentence. Because everyone except me thinks it's ok to cheat and use fixed ropes, the climb normally takes about 10-12hrs for those climbing with a guide. It's going to take me much longer than that though because I'm going free solo. I could always just climb the mountain, by myself, using the fixed ropes, and then I would have soloed the Matterhorn, a massive achievement, yay, Roy the man, what a guy.. yipeee. It's a fucking hard climb, and if I can't do it without using the fixed ropes, then I'll use them, there's no shame in that; but I really want to feel that it's just me against the mountain, without any magical ropes that just appear out of nowhere to help. It's a bit like saying "I climbed to the top of that tree" when you know you went up a ladder. I'm lucky, because I have set myself a very tough goal for someone with my mental health problems, which, although I am certain I can achieve, if I don't achieve it, I've got an alternative goal (solo using fixed ropes) that steps in. And if I've wasted too much time trying without the fixed ropes, and can't summit, then I take comfort from the fact that I have learnt a lot about failure. It's not that I have failed a lot, but that I have learnt to look at it in a different way, especially after reading Mark Twight's books "Extreme Alpinism" and "Kiss or Kill, confessions of a serial climber". Doing it is what matters, doing it at all; failure is learning, not doing is real failure. As Jeb Corliss, the wingsuit proximity flying base jumper known as "The Human Bird" said, when he jumped the Matterhorn, "For me, success is saying, Hey guess what, I dreamt about it, and now I'm doing it". I really did dream about it, and only way I can fail on my climb up the Mattorhorn, is if I die. Even then, as a consolation prize, I will go down in family history as "the one who died soloing the Matterhorn". Dying in a spectacular fashion does not always have to be a bad thing (my lovely girlfriend Jane is always telling me to try and turn negative's into positives). The incredible history of the Matterhorn, being the last of the alpine mountains to be conquered, and with the death of four of the first summiters on their way down in 1865 brought about it's fame. In victorian times at the birth of alpinism, hordes of wealthy tourists arriving in Zermatt to see the Matterhorn for themselves. A railway was built to the town, and mules used to ferry them to the base camp, where the Hornli hut was built in 1880. And then (and I shall start my sentence with an And if I wish to), inevitably, the fixed ropes (and at one point even ladders were put up), and the scenario we have today exists, where mountains all over the world have fixed ropes. It is my opinion that the Matterhorn set a precedence in the use of fixed ropes that it has a lot to answer for. Everest now has fixed ropes from base camp to the summit. If you can clip an ascending device onto a rope, are reasonably fit, and have enough money, you can summit everest. They have oxygen available at such a low altitude nowadays, that altitude sickness is not nearly as much of a problem as one might expect, and the climb itself is nothing more than a steep hill, no steeper than you can find in the brecon beacons, followed by a bit of a scramble up the Hillary step near the summit. 1 in 10 still die, but they die climbing fixed ropes doing something that's more of a businessman's trophy climb than a mountaineer's dream. Yeah it would be cool to do it, but at about £30,000 a crack, it's a bit expensive. Reinhold Messner did it on a shoestring. He soloed Everest in 1978, the first person to do so. He did it out of season, and without oxygen, the first to do that too. I like the purity of going solo. I don't like fixed ropes and I don't want to be a tourist "peak bagger". There are even fixed ropes on Uluru, also referred to as Ayers Rock in Australia, where tourists can climb the rock, which to the locals is sacred and forbidden to climb, tchkk!! Most people don't know the difference between solo and free-solo and most people would be impressed however I climbed the mountain. Even climbing with a guide it is certainly impressive, and I'm impressed myself by all those who have gone to that mountain before me, with serious intent. But I'm not doing this for bragging rights, I don't do things just to show off. I could show off without doing it free-solo. I'm doing this because it came to me in a vision in a dream, and because I need and want to, I'm compelled to. I'm doing it to learn about me, which is important if you are mentally ill. I know it's selfish, but that's just the way it has to be soloists are selfish, but that doesn't mean they don't care. I don't even fully understand my motives, I'm mentally ill. Soloing can't satisfactorily be explained, it just seems confusing to non-climbers, but perhaps it might help if I say that I must set myself a goal at the absolute maximum I believe I can achieve. Yeah if I survive I will be happy that it impresses people and there will be some showing off. But I'm not doing this to impress anyone, I'm not doing it to prove anything to anyone. It pleases me when people I know are interested in my climb, because I like to be an interesting guy, it's the teacher in me that never happened, I like to have something to say, and I like to know things, and be able to take my friends on journeys in their imagination by opening their minds to new things and freeing them from the constraints of rationalisation. I'm not doing it for charity, that doesn't sit well with me despite how harsh that sounds, it's just that it would seem like I had a training coach running alongside me cheering me on. No, I want all my determination to come from within. For someone like me who doesn't generally see things through because of my mental instability, I'm pleased with myself for getting this far, never mind to the summit, lol. I have to admit, that my motives are unclear, but there are definitely things that have an influence. One is that there are certain people that annoy me in everyday life. My climb is like a kick in the teeth to all the blaggers, arse-lickers and shitbags I might meet in the future, who have no idea who they really are, who live their lives craving the approval of their peers. They don't know I'm kicking them in the teeth, but when I meet people like that, I will know, and that's the important thing, I will know, having reminded myself on my climb, what I am really capable of. The people I'm talking about are the arrogant ones, who take it upon themselves to strut about thinking they are something special when they have done nothing to prove this. Without even testing themselves as humans, in any of the important things our minds and bodies were designed to do that make us a successful animal, balance, perception, climbing, running, instincts, control of fear, moving over difficult ground, bla bla the list goes on and on, the basic shit that makes you a human. It isn't your ability to buy a fat exhaust for your car, or the fact that you have put on half your body weight in muscle that's all in the wrong places and only useful to intimidate people, or that you can drink fifteen pints of beer and still stand up. For me, since I was a small child, the real men have always been the explorers and adventurers, and anyone who has the confidence to take on dangerous calculated risks. These are the faces that I have as my screensaver, people that inspire me. My dad might be partly to blame too, but only in a good way, the nutter. He sailed the atlantic solo twice in his Yacht Ninicha, and although I don't see this as a direct influence on the solo thing, throughout my life, through all his (and sometimes our) brave and foolish escapades, I have learnt from him that it's good to test yourself and it's good not to give a shit about "fitting in" with the crowd. I was bullied at school for not fitting in, and there's a possibility, freudianally speaking (is there such a phrase? there is now!) that perhaps this, and the fact that I lacked social skills, may have led to me feeling I had to prove myself in unconventional ways. If that is at all true it would be proving myself to myself more than anything. Anyway, the bullies, because there is a point to mentioning them. They would gang up and beat me to the ground and kick me. I would never stay down, and just kept getting up for more. Years later I remember one of the bullies telling that all he wanted to do was make me cry. No matter how hard I got beaten, I never cried, or called out for help. That bully, Sevo, must have seen a strength in me that he respected, because he changed his ways and we became best mates once we'd had a proper fight. It was he who asked me the question "how long is the climb Roy?" that prompted this long winded rant that is common amongst those with cyclothymia. Anyway, after this bullying had gone on for years, because I just kept proving to them that I wasn't weak and couldn't be broken, I decided to turn things round. On a bus home one night, I was sitting at the back when they all got on and started giving me verbal and poking me and shit. I sat there looking at them with that insolent look on my face that used to rile them so much. Then, when I got up to get off, I turned, and trying not to show the fear in my voice said to them all "You lot are nothing but a bunch of shit houses. You are only hard when you are in your gang, but when you're alone you're fuck all, and I'll take on each and every one of you if I have to, and we'll see who's fucking hard then!" A few days later and a fight had been arranged. The Derby Arms pub car park at 2130hrs. I was a punk/smelly then, and at 2130 I walked into the car park with my two punk mates good old Sevo, and Sme to a crowd of at least 60 people who had all came, having obviously heard about what I'd said on the bus. The fight lasted, (so I was told but find difficult to believe, about 15 minutes). It culminated in my opponent dropping down onto his knees before I kicked him square on in the face, then turned and walked away as he slumped to the ground. The crowd fell silent. It was a moment that changed my life, (and his, he's a fucking hard bastard now so I've heard). I had four more fights, and have never been bullied since. I then applied to the army, which I joined a few weeks after leaving school. So, I gain by confronting my fears. My regimental motto is "Fear Naught." Perhaps I just like to try and live up to it! I know I've been a bit different all my life, I think I could probably say that I've had cyclothymia all my life, and I've always had problems conforming. One of the positive motives that I can say drives me in this attempt at the Matterhorn, is the many cyclothymic friends I have made through the help page I run on my website. I get messages from people all over the world all the time, there's one in my inbox now waiting to be read, and I have loads I've got to get round to replying to. Sometimes I have people contact me who are literally suicidal, "I was pulled off the highest bridge in...... on the eve of my 26th birthday with no recollection of how i got there". A lot of these people are now friends on facebook, and new people are always arriving at my website to read up about cyclothymia. Many have said that reading my page has changed their lives. Helping them makes me proud, and if they see me achieve things, it inspires them to better their own lives in whatever way they can. I suffer the same as them, I can't get out of bed some days and have a complete lack of motivation to do anything. I'm in a world of my own just drifting along in the confusion a lot of the time, with bursts of inspiration, like writing all this, or going out training (which I should be doing now actually if I wasn't waiting for the postman to deliver my new Rab Baltoro gloves),. excuses excuses.. Anyway, to finish, and to answer the question in a roundabout way, my big problems is going to be route finding. The normal route is a more direct route than the one I will be taking because the fixed ropes guarantee joe bloggs that he doesn't actually have to climb the hard bits, all he has to do is pull himself up a rope. If the ropes wern't there (and they aren't going to be for me) some of the fixed rope sections are at the limit of my climbing grade, so I'll be looking for easier, quicker routes and climbing on bits of the mountain that haven't been climbed in many years. I am even considering following the line that Edward Whymper took onto the north face, where 4 of his team fell to their deaths. Despite their fate, it actually looks like a safer option than the nearby fixed rope section, unroped! So to answer your question; I don't know, no-one does, and I can't find any information about anyone who has tried to do what I'm doing, except Edward Whymper, and funnily enough, a group of scousers who sussed out the route and passed the info on to Whymper before they had to leave, meaning that before the season was over, he would be the first person ever to stand on the summit! |
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Less than 100 days to go to my free solo of the Matterhorn, nowhere near as fit as I'd like to be, bit worried about that, but with the right fuel in me and the weather on my side, as long as I don't stop, I should summit/survive. On the way there we are going to Lauterbrunnen in Switzerland to hopefully see wingsuit pilots BASE jump the 1000ft wall, it's going to be awesome, can't wait. |
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Subjects covered: Physical and Mental State Solo - Statistically Stacked Odds Yeah, hum., erm,. thinking of it that way Tony, I suppose it might be something special, me being a mental case and all that. I've been really all over the place with my Cyclothymia recently, and that's impacted on my training big time, which in turn increases the risk I'm taking immeasurably. Physically I'm not too bad though, I do have a damaged 5th lumbar from when a motorbike fell on me that plays up and has a tendency to lock my back up under load. I am naturally prone to having spontaneous lung collapses (pneumothorax) for no particular reason (this has happened three times now, Once, making toast had me in hozzy for a week). I've got a heart problem (was in hospital for 6 wks) too that causes me to go into shock every now and then without warning, and I've got something dodgy going on in my shins that got me on light duties just before I left the army, but all said and done I'm alright really! As for doing it solo, the odds are definitely stacked against me. Soloing the mountain is still quite a rare thing considering the large numbers of people who successfully summit with a guide. I don't know how many soloists there are, but it's got to be less than 5% of those that climb, I'd say 90% do it with guides, (who turn people round if they aren't going to make it in time). No-one dies with a guide. The remaining 5% climb with a partner or in a group. In two years of reading accounts of climbs via the route I will be taking, I have not read of anyone climbing free-solo like me, so if I am able to do that, as intended, it will indeed be something special. It's not a particularly hard route, it's just that nobody does it free solo. It will be a big risk, on what will be the most physically demanding day of my life, and forgoing the use of the fixed ropes on the vertical sections means I will have to climb much slower, exposing me to danger for much longer. I will deliberately be climbing out of season to avoid the crowds on the mountain, this is the only way I can climb without using the fixed ropes, if the mountain is busy, I'll just get knocked off. Make no bones about it, I will be going against some of the cardinal rules of alpinism, on one of the worlds deadliest mountains with zero alpine experience. It may seem reckless, but I am totally confident, and anyway, rules are there to be broken. |
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Back to my HOMEPAGE and on to more mindless piffle |
